As I a child I went to "fish camp" at Copper River. As a child I ate many, MANY salmon salad sandwiches. As I child I threw most said sandwiches under the elementary school cafeteria tables. Reflecting, it's not something I think is terribly funny and it actually causes me a probably unnecessary amount of grief from time to time. All those salmon. Their lives lost and laid to rest under a gum encrusted cafeteria table, surrounded my dirty, mischievous little sneakers. Only someone who was forced to eat the same damn thing every day for their childhood could possibly understand to what I am speaking of. The fate of my childhood salmon salad sandwiches has finally been revealed. Now, as a responsible adult, I can proudly say that I've not been throwing any food items under any tables. As a responsible (I only lay claim to environmental and ethical) adult, I also don't eat fish. Though, confession time...I freaking love salmon. It IS my favorite non-vegan food. Yet, I love them alive more than dead and that is why I choose not to kill them and eat them! In addition, and contrary to popular belief (get ready Alaskans!), fish isn't that good for you...and enter angry comments. Don't blame me, blame science. Blame evolution. Blame plants. Blame chemicals.
Find a way to tell yourself that fish is still good for you and that I'm wrong, but first please check out this treasure trove of related information here...or choose to live in ignorance. People say, "...but humans have been eating fish and meat since the beginning of time!" Yes, but we've also been raping and murdering people since the beginning of time. Not everything we've been doing since the beginning of time is ethically or environmentally appropriate. Geeze, what a downer. Enough of this soapbox nonsense for now, I have in-laws reading this!
Back to my embarrassment regarding the sandwiches. Since I won't have salmon or tuna and I always loved fish salad sandwiches, I've created my own vegan fish salad recipe! I can say with 100% scientific certainty that garbanzo beans are better for you than fish. This faux tuna salad is even delicious! For vegans and non-vegans! An ex non-vegan approved faux tuna sandwich?! Yes my friends. Yes, and I quote, "This is really, really good. I like this!" My Dad makes his salmon salad with mayonnaise, only a little bit of mustard, dill pickle and red onion. And that's how I like mine too. No frills. Not to mention it's made in a pinch.
So if you're trying to eat healthier or are just embarrassed to bring a fish sandwich for lunch to work, this recipe is for you. And hey, maybe this time it won't be you clearing out the break room. Maybe if, as a child, I had this sandwich instead of a stinky salmon one, I wouldn't of thrown it under the table. I have no idea...it's just speculation.
"Tuna" Salad Sandwiches
Inspired by Atiliay and my Dad
Makes enough salad for 6 sandwiches
- 2 15 oz. cans of garbanzo beans (chickpeas), drained and rinsed
- 1/2 cup vegan mayonnaise
- 2 celery stalks (including leaves!), minced
- 1/2 medium red onion, minced
- small handful of fresh parsley, chopped finely
- 1 Tbsp. Dijon (or yellow) mustard
- 1 Tbsp. sweet pickle relish or minced dill pickles (I like sweet pickles)
- 1/4 tsp. salt
- 1/4 tsp. pepper
- 12 slices of your favorite bread (I used potato bread)
Pulse the drained and rinsed garbanzo beans in a food processor. They don't need a lot of processing, just enough to get that flaky "fish" texture. Pulse about five times, then scrape down the bowl and do a few more.
In a medium bowl, combine the pulsed beans along with all the remaining ingredients excluding the bread.
Eat the salad as is or scoop it onto your favorite bread.
Yes, my sandwich hucking days are over. It's a terrible, awful secret that only a couple of my best friends know about.
I hope my Dad doesn't read this blog...
The worst part is that the lunch ladies would always demand to know who tossed the sandwich under the table and I would always sit silently, wide-eyed, shaking my head left to right, and shrugging. Oh lord, the shame! It depends on who you ask, but my best friend may tell you that everyone knew it was me all along. I never have ever been a very good liar.
- 2 15 oz. cans of garbanzo beans (chickpeas), drained and rinsed
- 1/2 cup vegan mayonnaise
- 2 celery stalks (including leaves!), minced
- 1/2 medium red onion, minced
- small handful of fresh parsley, chopped finely
- 1 Tbsp. Dijon (or yellow) mustard
- 1 Tbsp. sweet pickle relish or minced dill pickles (I like sweet pickles)
- 1/4 tsp. salt
- 1/4 tsp. pepper
- 12 slices of your favorite bread (I used potato bread)
- Pulse the drained and rinsed garbanzo beans in a food processor. They don't need a lot of processing, just enough to get that flaky "fish" texture. Pulse about five times, then scrape down the bowl and do a few more.
- In a medium bowl, combine the pulsed beans along with all the remaining ingredients excluding the bread.
- Eat the salad as is or scoop it onto your favorite bread.
